For more than a year, I have been conducting Math competition training every Saturday for primary school students. Yesterday, what transpired prior to my primary 3 class was something I had never experienced before.
The day started peacefully as I chatted with Student A and Mother A, who were the first pair to reach. When Student B and Mother B arrived next, Mother B immediately approached me with an unfriendly attitude.
Apparently, Student B, who just joined the course 1 week ago, reported to his mother that the class was noisy and some students disturbed him. Mother B raised the issue to me and demanded that the class be orderly and mannered so that her son could concentrate in learning. Mother A, having overheard the conversation, quickly confessed to Mother B that her son might be effervescent at times and apologized if he had affected Student B. This was when the drama began to unfold.
Mother B reiterated that she had paid the course fees and did not wish her son to be involved in any monkey business during class. Mother A took offense that Mother B implied Student A was a prankster and commented that parents should not intervene too much into how children make friends. A fiery exchange of words immediately ensued.
This was an interpersonal conflict between an over-concerned parent and a more liberal parent. Emotions fired up because Parent A could not tolerate the insult when someone indirectly labeled her son as an unruly and disruptive student. Furthermore, Mother B was adamant that her expectation was perfectly reasonable. I was caught up in an odd situation because the parents were my seniors.
How could I assure the parents that class discipline was under good control? What could I do to appease both parties and start my lesson?
(P.S: Before the incident, Mother A explained to me that her son had prepared but forgotten to bring a special Teacher’s Day present for me. Now, I wonder whether I will still get my Teacher’s Day present. =P)
UCS1001 MME Tri2 2023-24 Dynamic Thinkers
1 week ago
Personally, i feel that both mothers lack self control over their emotions.
ReplyDeleteFirstly, Mother B was not sensitive to the feelings of Mother A by reiterating that she had paid the fees and did not want her son to be involved in any monkey business. This was especially so after Mother A had apologize earlier.
Mother A was also over-reacting to Mother B's remarks. It was almost as good as admitting that her child was responsible for disrupting Student B.
I am not sure if this is true but i hear that mothers do not like to be criticized on the way they "govern" their children.
I am not sure how you could assure them on the class discipline but i think you could split them up and talked to them nicely. It would be more effective if you had some other teachers nearby to help you. You definitely do not want any of them to wait.
- Chee Siang
Hope you do get your present.
I think that both parents were at fault, although Mother B started the row with Mother A. With consumer’s rights, Mother B was not in the wrong to ask for perfection in class discipline. However, with the point conveyed to the teacher, which was all she needed to do. Weirdly, both mothers started a quarrel over a rather small issue and I must say that the argument was heated up in no time. This portrays that both mothers lack of self-regulation in terms of their emotions and feelings towards one another.
ReplyDeleteAt that point of time, before things went out of hand, you could have assured Mother B that the class would be better taken into your hands while diverting topic with Mother A. Sometimes, if such matters went out of hand, it would be better for the parents to be invited out of the classroom. You could refer both of them to the training center’s manager and continue with the lessons. I believe that the manager, with the time and expertise, could handle the conflict positively and mediate matters.
By the way, teacher’s day was yesterday. I hope that you have received your teacher’s day present.
Regards,
Ivan
Both mothers apparently lack self regulation of emotions! They should not flare up at each other so easily!!! I feel that it is reasonable for mother A to demand the class to be orderly and quiet. I can understand that she wants her son to learn in a condusive environment!
ReplyDeleteIt was very nice of mother A initially to apologise to mother B about her son being a nuisance sometimes! That was a very good move as mother A showed empathy! However, mother B unfortunately did not respond in a desired manner which offended mother A.
Instead, I feel that both could have adopted the "The velvet hammer" approach and deal with the conflict positively. They could use nonverbal communication to resolve conflict by making it possible to hear others and allowing others to hear you. All of us are born with 2 ears and 1 mouth. We should hear more than we speak! I feel that in life, listening ears for our complains are sometimes all that we need!
As for you, Xiang min, I do not think you should be the mediator becuase it involves your elders! Perhaps you might want to seek the help of your supervisor or boss(Is there any?) to help you!
This is a very clearly and concisely related scenario of great interest. You present the characters and context in a precise manner, and you articulate the dilemma that this posed for you as the teacher. Great post, Xiang Min!
ReplyDelete(Man, I don't envy you being in that tough situation! Wow! Maybe you can add on later how you resolved it.)
Thank you all for your comments. You have struck a chord in my heart because this is a real incident that has affected me very recently.
ReplyDeleteNot being eloquent with words, I could only briefly interrupt with short phrases without having much effect. In the end, I said something like “Sorry, I have a class to conduct. Any discussion can be carried out after the lesson.” It was then both parents realized they had been creating a commotion and decided to stop. After which, my manager led them out of the classroom to another place.
Although my manager later assured me that I had handled the situation well, I felt she said it more for consolation than praise. I believe some of you could have done a better job in quickly diffusing the conflict with perhaps a touch of humor.
(I regret to inform that Student A has withdrawn from the course.)